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Frequently Asked Questions
What is the purpose of this retreat?
To provide an opportunity for each participant to see the overview of their life in the perspective of needs ~ noticing patterns of persistently unmet needs, as well as seeing which needs have gotten our attention. We provide space to experience the loss of the unmet needs and to size up how important they really are ~ to see them in context. We also give time to explore new ways to take care of yourself and bring balance, especially where needs have been unmet.
We do this work within the container of a welcoming, supportive village community setting -- one that dances together to offset the introspection. The beauty of the environment for the retreat, bathe the senses and provide support for integration of the learning.
If you're teaching what Marshall Rosenberg teaches, why don't you call it Nonviolent Communication or NVC, like he does?"
Out of respect. Marshall has a specific process that he calls "nonviolent communication". Even though RealTalk builds on his foundation, it includes concepts that Marshall does not mention. So, referring to this new metamorphisis by the same name would be inaccurate as well as not show consideration for the original skill set.
Possibly for this reason, as well as others, Marshall asks that anyone who uses the term "nonviolent communication" for what they are sharing, go through a certification process. Doing this would not meet my own needs for respect and integrity since NVC is based on "mutual education".
So, with all due respect for the platform on which we have continued to build, we give acknowledgement to Marshall and also differentiate this new work.
How different is what you use than Marshall's NVC?
There are more similarities than differences. Certainly, the underlying principle of respect and equal regard are firmly in place. Also, the four skills of Observation, Feelings, Needs, and Requests.
RealTalk utilizes a set of needs that consists of 3 dynamically balanced pairs, illustrated by six circles surrounding the seventh. The seventh inner circle is balance. The seven sets of needs coincide with the seven chakras and the three balanced pairs match neurological balances as identified by Brain Gym. This grouping brings much clarity to proactively making decisions about meeting needs, as well as retroactive healing work.
A primary emphasis of RealTalk is applying the skills to ourselves. Even though we use the skills in our communication with others, that is a secondary use. We believe that we are not truly available to offer others equal regard until we have become fully aware of our own needs and taken personal responsibility for meeting them.
In addition, RealTalk offers several additional skill sets, such as Attending, Being with Strong Emotions, Becoming Available, and Diffusing Triggers. Integrating movement, such as dance and Brain Gym, is also unique; we are committed to this method of sharing RealTalk.
I notice that you welcome people who are not familiar with Marshall's work. I'm experienced in his concepts and have attended workshops and retreats with a broad mix of backgrounds and I usually end up feeling bored while attention is focused on new learners. I'm looking for something that will challenge me and take me another level deeper. Any chance you've considered this need?
We have had similar experiences, and felt frustration when we did because we also value challenge for all. This retreat is structured in such a way that the learning pieces are done individually and introspectively. There is one dyad activity, which reqires no previous skill and is quite brief. Since the information is applied to one's own experience, you can move as deep and as far forward as you are comfortable going without being asked to wait for others.
The accomodation for those unfamiliar with Marshall's work comes in the form of an overview of the concepts on the first evening. That overview is brief because the focus of this workshop is on inner awareness of our own needs and how to best get them met, rather than on the four steps as a communication model. There is some application of the four steps on the third day, with consideration given to challenging everyone rather than staying with the lowest common denominator of understanding.
Will workshop time be taken up with extended empathy sessions?
In a word, "no". Because it is our belief that the need for empathy springs up when we haven't been heard, special consideration has been given to creating the opportunity for everyone to be heard in a balanced way. Emphasis and time is given to hearing ourselves. Hearing of each other is set up to be more fast paced than contemplative.
This retreat has a specific structure to it. Even though we also engage in emergent design, flowing with the energy and needs of the group, we continue to move through a carefully designed progression.
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